one reason to be fat!

So, I have found a downside to being slimmer and ultimately a lot healthier. You see I just started dating again and first off I hate it! The pressure and confusion of meeting someone and getting to know them. I don't really like it. I really think that if God wants me to remarry he should just send me an e-mail and say hey "the one" is in a blue polo at startbucks. Go get him and live happily ever after! Still waiting for that e-mail. In the mean time I am trying both match and e-harmony. I have gone out with 2 guys. One a jerk in disguise, the other a total sweetheart, but even though I am only 8 months older then him I felt like I was lifetimes beyond him. But besides these 2 who I have actually "dated" there have been a handful of others who I have either e-mailed with via online services or a couple of guys who I know, but are just all of a sudden intriged and have been calling or texting me. Infact on myspace I was proposed to by a total stranger and then a few days ago I recived a simple e-mail saying super cute =you! While some of this may seem harmless and a bit of an ego boost a lot of it feels like really guys...REALLY! What about me has changed in the last year. The easy answer my waistline! I am the same grounded, smart, goofy, musical, single mom of 2 I have always been. I just wear a smaller jean size. It just really makes me wonder are guys only attracted to me now because I don't shop for plus sizes? I mean I will be fair, I am slightly superficial as well. I will not date a man who is overweight, but it is not because of the size it is because of my own weakness. I know that if I get involved with someone with little or no interest in eatting healthy and working out then I would most likely find myself struggling and possibly giving up on my goal of reaching and maintaining a healthy size and lifestyle. And really I never started losing weight to impress anyone. I am who I am...like it or leave it! I started this journey for me and my kids. I wanted to set a good example for Laina and Tia and I wanted to do everything in my power to stay healthy and be with my girls as long as possible! It does bug me a little though that I never tried to be a sexy little wife for Dave. He deserved that. I'm sure he is proud of me now, but I can't help wondering what he would have thought of coming home to a small, blonde Zumba instructor. Apparently, that is a turn on for some guys. Anyway, this is just my little rant about dating. I really don't like it and I wish I was not single. I actually pray that God will either answer my prayer to have someone new in my life or else take that desire away. It is just hard! Anyway, if you are in a relationship with the love of your life be thankful and don't take them for granted. You are both blessed! Well, good night. I gotta get some sleep before I meet with Jillian at 5am!