one reason to be fat!

So, I have found a downside to being slimmer and ultimately a lot healthier. You see I just started dating again and first off I hate it! The pressure and confusion of meeting someone and getting to know them. I don't really like it. I really think that if God wants me to remarry he should just send me an e-mail and say hey "the one" is in a blue polo at startbucks. Go get him and live happily ever after! Still waiting for that e-mail. In the mean time I am trying both match and e-harmony. I have gone out with 2 guys. One a jerk in disguise, the other a total sweetheart, but even though I am only 8 months older then him I felt like I was lifetimes beyond him. But besides these 2 who I have actually "dated" there have been a handful of others who I have either e-mailed with via online services or a couple of guys who I know, but are just all of a sudden intriged and have been calling or texting me. Infact on myspace I was proposed to by a total stranger and then a few days ago I recived a simple e-mail saying super cute =you! While some of this may seem harmless and a bit of an ego boost a lot of it feels like really guys...REALLY! What about me has changed in the last year. The easy answer my waistline! I am the same grounded, smart, goofy, musical, single mom of 2 I have always been. I just wear a smaller jean size. It just really makes me wonder are guys only attracted to me now because I don't shop for plus sizes? I mean I will be fair, I am slightly superficial as well. I will not date a man who is overweight, but it is not because of the size it is because of my own weakness. I know that if I get involved with someone with little or no interest in eatting healthy and working out then I would most likely find myself struggling and possibly giving up on my goal of reaching and maintaining a healthy size and lifestyle. And really I never started losing weight to impress anyone. I am who I am...like it or leave it! I started this journey for me and my kids. I wanted to set a good example for Laina and Tia and I wanted to do everything in my power to stay healthy and be with my girls as long as possible! It does bug me a little though that I never tried to be a sexy little wife for Dave. He deserved that. I'm sure he is proud of me now, but I can't help wondering what he would have thought of coming home to a small, blonde Zumba instructor. Apparently, that is a turn on for some guys. Anyway, this is just my little rant about dating. I really don't like it and I wish I was not single. I actually pray that God will either answer my prayer to have someone new in my life or else take that desire away. It is just hard! Anyway, if you are in a relationship with the love of your life be thankful and don't take them for granted. You are both blessed! Well, good night. I gotta get some sleep before I meet with Jillian at 5am!

Shame on me...again

Wow, I haven't blogged in almost 2 months...where have I been?!?! Obviously I have yet to hit the goal otherwise there would have definatly been a post before now. I have had other things on my mind, but we can get there in a minute. First an update on the journey. Basically since my last session of FP ended I was 161lbs and I pretty much decded I "deserved" a break. I ahve not been weight lifting, I ahven't been writting my food down and I ahve missed a little Zumba due to other summer activities. Like this last week was VBS...I only went to 7 classes. I can not rememebr the last time I went to so few classes. It did make me sad, but VBS was a blast and best news of all Alaina asked Jesus into her heart!!!!!! Needless to say we have one proud Mamma!!!! Anyway, I don't know where I am weight wise, I kind of don't want to know, but Tomorrow it is back to the drawing board and then some. I ahve decided I want to hit things hard. So tomorrrow morning 5am I will be up to start the 30 day sherd with Jillian Michaels and then I get to dive into my new First Place 4 Health Bible Study. the groups will start meeting a week from tomorrow! I am so excited to get really serious again and hopefully, prayerfully, and uber dedicatedly I pray to reach my goal of 150 by the end of this 6 week study. It is all up to Jesus though so thy will be done!!!! I will try really hard to keep everyone posted!!! Much love to you. I hope you are having a great Summer!!!!